My kids and I were talking about some of their friends and how they get punished for bad grades. I asked them, "What do you think I would do if one of you got an "F" on something?" They looked at each other and said, "You would probably ask us what happened and help us." I liked that answer. It told me that my kids believe I care more about them as people than their grades.
Now I'm not saying there isn't a time for consequences. Different kids need different types of motivation at different times in their lives. But my kids want to do well. So maybe we have found the balance of enjoying learning and yet not being defined by our grades.
Of course God has a way of testing those ideals. Our first big "F" was on a test in biology. I am a Biology teacher by trade and it is one of my great loves. The child who got the "F" loves biology and is in charge of all animals in our home and near our home. So this one hit us both pretty hard.
She was embarrassed to tell me, but she confessed it and we just gave each other a big hug and then went to lunch. After we were finally able to laugh about the irony of the situation, we came up with some ways to make some progress for future tests. Thankfully, it seemed to deepen our relationship rather than hurt it.
Our culture puts such a premium on test scores. It is really ridiculous! But this is the world we live in. I don't like it. I don't agree with it. I think it steals our humanity and makes us feel like a product and not a person. I dislike that teachers are often trapped to teach to tests rather than free to expand young minds however they deem best. So how do we live in the balance? By faith.
By faith, my kids will go to college or not. By faith, we will have the money or not. By faith, they will have the grades or not. By faith, they will live long enough to even wrestle with that question. God holds all of it in His hands. Not us. Not the schools. Not the scholarship committees or college admissions office or the financial aid office. God and only God.
When we set up our kids college funds as toddlers (thanks to generous contributions from the grandparents) we had to define the funds. There is a myriad of types of funds to pick from for kids. So as we stared at our 5 year old, we had to decide, what do we want for them down the road? One option was to buy college credit at today's prices for when your child goes to school 10-15 years from now. It's a good deal financially, but of course, you have picked their college for them when they were little. That seemed like a very narrow road to us given we had no idea what God wanted to do with each of our children's lives.
So instead, by faith, we put money into an account that allows them to do whatever they want with the money once they turn 21. Of course this is risky too. What if they are irresponsible hooligans? Well then I guess it will be one hell of a party!
The point is that I have a 17 year old daughter and I still don't know what God wants to do with her life and she takes the SAT in a couple of weeks. However, it's worth noting that I am a 46 year old woman and I also don't know what God wants to do with my life. So, by faith, we just keep seeking Him for our lives and their lives.
Perhaps all we are really accomplishing is teaching our kids to seek God. I suppose if that is all we manage to do, I would be willing to call that another homeschool success story.
