I remember reading a number of parenting books before and while my kids were little. Often they contradicted each other and claimed that if you did what the other guy said, you would ruin your children! That is not the kind of input a new or young mother needs! You already deeply fear that you will ruin your children. Some of that fear seems very natural otherwise you might not really understand what you just got yourself into. But most of it comes from our own insecurities. I, myself, was laden with insecurities and often I was just waiting for the failure to rush through the door and destroy everything. But then it didn't.
Yes, there were some crazy hard days and then many crazy hard days strung together at times, but nothing came through the door that just destroyed everything. Looking back I wish I had not spent so much time waiting for doom to come. I could have really used the energy to read a few more books to my kids or take a nap!
So what about now?
They have grown up. I have two still in college and two out. The boys are still preparing and the girls are out and tackling life. It's an exciting time! And yet I can still feel the old fears wanting to surface and I can still keep an eye on the door waiting for doom to come. Sadly that feeling didn't just go away because they left my house. They are a part of me and always will be. I am a mom and always will be. Somebody should point that out or have you sign a waiver before you start having babies. This all seems obvious and yet I would have benefited to have an older woman look me in the eyes and tell me these truths.
But I am older now and my insecurities have been in the hands of Jesus for many years. New insecurities have been added to the pile, but my God is now bigger and gooder (more good - grammar police) and I trust Him more than when I was young. I am really thankful for that! The stakes just keep getting higher as life goes on. These children of mine will probably start getting married at some point and might even make babies themself! No pressure from me, but that's often how life works over time.
So the truth is I need God to keep getting bigger and gooder. I need to keep opening my hands to Him and trusting him more. There is still a lot to do as a mom and perhaps as a grandma. It will require a faith I know I am starting to attain but there is plenty to do still. So perhaps this is where I start becoming the one who goes back to school, not for a degree but simply to attain a learner's heart. That way, one day, when little people come to teach me how to become like a child so that I may enter the kingdom of God, I will be ready. Then I can proclaim "Another Homeschool Success Story" but this time for myself.
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
Friday, May 15, 2020
No more monkeys jumping on the bed!
Considering my last post was 2 years ago, I think you can assume that this stage of life is pretty full. I really had this notion in my head that when my children turned 18 years old, I would be able to take my foot off the gas and coast for the rest of the ride until perhaps grandkids or something. So wrong!!
That has not been my experience at all as I have helped release, launch, jettison, etc. my children into the world. It almost seems like they need me more than ever. I'm actually trying to figure out where I picked up the 18 and gone mentality. No idea, but do yourself a favor and let that go. It makes for a lot less disappointment when they need you so much.
Now I will say the type of need changes.
Part of what they need is money. So see if you can put some together before you get here. College students are really poor and yet we give them a lot of money. Can't seem to understand that math either, but get a plan.
They also need some really good cheerleading. This is where we really need to become aware of any critical speech patterns mom and dad. They have been in your house for a long time so they know what you believe and why. It's time they know without a doubt that you believe in them! They will make some really bad choices during this time and then do something that makes you so proud you burst into tears. This is the corkscrew part of the roller coaster ride you have been on with them since birth. Go the extra mile in whatever that kids love language is and let them know you are for them and you know they can do it. With one kid it's been photography equipment, with another its been a monthly box of soup. You know them. Encourage the heck out of them and be their greatest cheerleader!
The last thought might surprise you. Get a life!
As our last son flew the coup this past year, my husband and I renewed our vows with our kids standing up with us so they knew we were going to be ok! To quote Mike Wizowski, "Go ahead, go grow up!" Our kids find freedom to go and explore and fail and get up and try again as we do the same. I promise you they will pick some paths that just feel like the worst idea to you as a parent! And then God will intervene, probably not on your time table, and help them reset their course. But that's the key. God has to do it. Not us.
In many ways we need to accept a new role in our kids lives and believe me its hard to do! I can fall into the broken thinking of this is my little investment and I need to make sure it performs well. But they are not. They are people with hopes and dreams that are still being formed. They know you are there. They will come find you if they need you and its ok to check in. But then leave them alone!
Sit back, make some popcorn and enjoy the show! It will make you cry, laugh, break your heart and then suddenly you will feel a form of satisfaction and delight you weren't sure was available on this side of heaven. But I promise you will feel it all, so make sure you have a life too! That truly gives our kids the permission to let go of us as we let go of them. It's a gift not enough of us parents are offering our kids in this generation. You can't be called a helicopter and bulldozer generation of parents and be good at letting go. But we make a choice mom and dad.
It comes back to faith. If God is not bigger and more powerful and more loving than me, then I would never them go. But He is so I can release. You can too! So rejoice that you will get to watch this movie and be on the ride for the rest of your days. What a privilege and honor! I promise, you will look back no matter how the movie ends and you will say to yourself "Another homeschool success story!".
That has not been my experience at all as I have helped release, launch, jettison, etc. my children into the world. It almost seems like they need me more than ever. I'm actually trying to figure out where I picked up the 18 and gone mentality. No idea, but do yourself a favor and let that go. It makes for a lot less disappointment when they need you so much.
Now I will say the type of need changes.
Part of what they need is money. So see if you can put some together before you get here. College students are really poor and yet we give them a lot of money. Can't seem to understand that math either, but get a plan.
They also need some really good cheerleading. This is where we really need to become aware of any critical speech patterns mom and dad. They have been in your house for a long time so they know what you believe and why. It's time they know without a doubt that you believe in them! They will make some really bad choices during this time and then do something that makes you so proud you burst into tears. This is the corkscrew part of the roller coaster ride you have been on with them since birth. Go the extra mile in whatever that kids love language is and let them know you are for them and you know they can do it. With one kid it's been photography equipment, with another its been a monthly box of soup. You know them. Encourage the heck out of them and be their greatest cheerleader!
The last thought might surprise you. Get a life!
As our last son flew the coup this past year, my husband and I renewed our vows with our kids standing up with us so they knew we were going to be ok! To quote Mike Wizowski, "Go ahead, go grow up!" Our kids find freedom to go and explore and fail and get up and try again as we do the same. I promise you they will pick some paths that just feel like the worst idea to you as a parent! And then God will intervene, probably not on your time table, and help them reset their course. But that's the key. God has to do it. Not us.
In many ways we need to accept a new role in our kids lives and believe me its hard to do! I can fall into the broken thinking of this is my little investment and I need to make sure it performs well. But they are not. They are people with hopes and dreams that are still being formed. They know you are there. They will come find you if they need you and its ok to check in. But then leave them alone!
Sit back, make some popcorn and enjoy the show! It will make you cry, laugh, break your heart and then suddenly you will feel a form of satisfaction and delight you weren't sure was available on this side of heaven. But I promise you will feel it all, so make sure you have a life too! That truly gives our kids the permission to let go of us as we let go of them. It's a gift not enough of us parents are offering our kids in this generation. You can't be called a helicopter and bulldozer generation of parents and be good at letting go. But we make a choice mom and dad.
It comes back to faith. If God is not bigger and more powerful and more loving than me, then I would never them go. But He is so I can release. You can too! So rejoice that you will get to watch this movie and be on the ride for the rest of your days. What a privilege and honor! I promise, you will look back no matter how the movie ends and you will say to yourself "Another homeschool success story!".
Monday, August 6, 2018
and then there was one. . .
It's time to write again and I'm sorry I've been away so long. This last year has been amazing and extremely hard all at the same time. Funny how life can do that to you.
Last fall we moved our oldest son (#3) into the dorms at college. To say it was a rough transition for him would be an understatement. He came pretty close to crashing and burning. But then 2nd semester he decided to not be a victim and pulled the plane out of a nose dive. We are extremely proud of him and deeply impressed that he completely turned the ship around.
This is where parenting gets really hard. You are watching this young person make decisions that you know have huge ramifications on their lives. When they were little and wanted to jump from the top of the stairs you just said no and picked them up. Done! But that doesn't work with college freshmen. You gotta let them jump! It requires a different kind of faith to let go of their hand and simply grab the hand of Jesus. Sometimes I feel like I am covering my eyes because I can't always watch.
But take courage faint heart! Jesus is always watching. Even if they are wandering or don't want to talk to Him, He is still there. He has your back mom and dad.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Prv 22:6
This is not a promise mom and dad. It is wisdom. We are raising people. They make choices just like us. Some choices are good and some are bad, just like us.
We do not have a guarantee as to how our kids will turn out or what roads they will take. The only thing I know for sure as a mom is my heart will forever be linked to there hearts and some days I love that and other days it is extremely painful. That is what I signed up for when I became a mom. So did you.
So this week my oldest son is headed back to school, much wiser for the task. He is getting an apartment with some of his frat brothers. (Not something I thought I would ever say.) We are truly releasing #3. We all know he won't be home again next summer. He is eager to fly and make a life for himself. That was always the plan, but sometimes I have to remind myself of that truth. Once again we are so proud and a little freaked out all at the same time. Welcome to parenting!
But he like his sister's is "Another Homeschool Success Story" even though he currently believes homeschooling was the worst! But I will ask him again down the road when little children start coming into his home. My guess is he will smile and hug me and say, "Yeah, you were right mom."
Last fall we moved our oldest son (#3) into the dorms at college. To say it was a rough transition for him would be an understatement. He came pretty close to crashing and burning. But then 2nd semester he decided to not be a victim and pulled the plane out of a nose dive. We are extremely proud of him and deeply impressed that he completely turned the ship around.
This is where parenting gets really hard. You are watching this young person make decisions that you know have huge ramifications on their lives. When they were little and wanted to jump from the top of the stairs you just said no and picked them up. Done! But that doesn't work with college freshmen. You gotta let them jump! It requires a different kind of faith to let go of their hand and simply grab the hand of Jesus. Sometimes I feel like I am covering my eyes because I can't always watch.
But take courage faint heart! Jesus is always watching. Even if they are wandering or don't want to talk to Him, He is still there. He has your back mom and dad.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Prv 22:6
This is not a promise mom and dad. It is wisdom. We are raising people. They make choices just like us. Some choices are good and some are bad, just like us.
We do not have a guarantee as to how our kids will turn out or what roads they will take. The only thing I know for sure as a mom is my heart will forever be linked to there hearts and some days I love that and other days it is extremely painful. That is what I signed up for when I became a mom. So did you.
So this week my oldest son is headed back to school, much wiser for the task. He is getting an apartment with some of his frat brothers. (Not something I thought I would ever say.) We are truly releasing #3. We all know he won't be home again next summer. He is eager to fly and make a life for himself. That was always the plan, but sometimes I have to remind myself of that truth. Once again we are so proud and a little freaked out all at the same time. Welcome to parenting!
But he like his sister's is "Another Homeschool Success Story" even though he currently believes homeschooling was the worst! But I will ask him again down the road when little children start coming into his home. My guess is he will smile and hug me and say, "Yeah, you were right mom."
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
It begins . . .
For a while I have been anticipating the day the exodus would begin. My oldest is in China, but she will be home soon and we are eager to have her back in the nest as she prepares for her next adventure.
But today #2 moves out.
We've been singing the Billy Joel song around here "I'm moving out". It makes all of us smile as we are making plans and assembling items. It is such an exciting time to get your first apartment. She has a wonderful roommate that seems like a perfect fit. We are very proud of her choices and her desire to "get out there and do this!"
But at the end of the day, I am still just a mom.
I really enjoy these kids. I will miss her deeply although she will be only 3 minutes away in an apartment and I will be working with her during the week at our church.
This is what we sign up for as moms. All the bittersweet moments of teaching them to fly and then having to let them actually do it. I am thankful that Jesus has taught me to grieve over the past several years through my mother's Alzheimers.
Sadness is not our enemy. In fact, sadness is a sweet friend that will take us by the hand and wrap us up in warm reflective places and care for us.
Life is full of these moments. It seems as you get older, joy and sorrow are often holding hands and appear to be friends. I did not know that when I was young.
So we will pack the trailer up today and I personally will consecrate her new space with anointing oil and ask God to protect them both as they start their new adventure.
And I will trust God. Just like I've been trusting Him to take care of us all along.
She will do well. I have no doubt.
She is ready and I am almost there.
So tonight we will toast to "Another Homeschool Success Story" as we move in the last piece of furniture. Tomorrow she will be back at our house getting all the things she forgot.
But today #2 moves out.
We've been singing the Billy Joel song around here "I'm moving out". It makes all of us smile as we are making plans and assembling items. It is such an exciting time to get your first apartment. She has a wonderful roommate that seems like a perfect fit. We are very proud of her choices and her desire to "get out there and do this!"
But at the end of the day, I am still just a mom.
I really enjoy these kids. I will miss her deeply although she will be only 3 minutes away in an apartment and I will be working with her during the week at our church.
This is what we sign up for as moms. All the bittersweet moments of teaching them to fly and then having to let them actually do it. I am thankful that Jesus has taught me to grieve over the past several years through my mother's Alzheimers.
Sadness is not our enemy. In fact, sadness is a sweet friend that will take us by the hand and wrap us up in warm reflective places and care for us.
Life is full of these moments. It seems as you get older, joy and sorrow are often holding hands and appear to be friends. I did not know that when I was young.
So we will pack the trailer up today and I personally will consecrate her new space with anointing oil and ask God to protect them both as they start their new adventure.
And I will trust God. Just like I've been trusting Him to take care of us all along.
She will do well. I have no doubt.
She is ready and I am almost there.
So tonight we will toast to "Another Homeschool Success Story" as we move in the last piece of furniture. Tomorrow she will be back at our house getting all the things she forgot.
Friday, March 10, 2017
Still Alive!
After reading my last post, I was amused to think I ended the post with going skydiving and then haven't written again for 8 months. I am still alive! It was an amazing experience that actually got a bit dicey because my first shoot did not open. When you are tandem skydiving, you don't really want to hear your instructor start swearing behind you. However, there is comfort in knowing that he has as much skin in the game as you do, so he is going to figure this out for both of you.
So we watched the first shoot fly away and then deployed the second shoot. It was a moment to ask myself, "am I ready to go see Jesus?" My answer was yes and I felt profound peace as we kept falling. It surprised even me! Once we were settled, my instructor thanked me for not freaking out. I told him I trusted him and I was sure that was not going to be helpful to our situation. But I also told him, I know where I am going next. I am ready.
It was an amazing day for my daughter and I. There is a peace when you jump out of a plane that I did not expect. It was quite and tremendously beautiful while we were free falling. God could not have given us a more perfect day to jump. In true brave fashion, my daughter went first. I cannot wait to see what that kid is going to do in this world. It is going to be awesome and I pity the fool that gets in her way!
Afterwards we had the most comfort food you could possibly eat at a Cracker Barrel on the way home. But we sat and marveled while the adrenaline wore off that we had just done something incredible together. And to be honest that is the part we loved the most. We did it together. That was the part we will savor for the many years to come. That is the part we will champion at the Thanksgiving table when she is married and has kids of her own. "I jumped out of a plane with my mom!" That is a badge of honor for me and an amazing memory for us.
The truth is I was badly bruised for several weeks after the jump and during the jump I almost threw up because of the way the chute deployed. So what! All that pain and discomfort was fleeting compared to the long lasting, life changing event I shared with my daughter. It reminds me of a verse.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NASB)
16 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
That sounds about right. I want my eyes fixed on the things that are unseen. These are the great stories that come out of the crazy mommy days or the defiant child days. Life is hard but I wonder if that actually makes the stories sweeter sometimes.
Perhaps you don't need to jump out of a plane with your kid, but what could you do today that would be epic between the two of you? I also remember being curled up in a chair with my daughter reading Old Yeller together when she was only 8 years old. Together we just sat and cried as we read. It is just as powerful and wonderful a memory for me as jumping out of a plane. (and I was not bruised afterwards)
On the day of the jump we certainly felt like "Another Homeschool Success Story!" had been written after we were both safe on the ground. How will you jump today and trust God for great stories with your kids?
I hope you do and so do they.
So we watched the first shoot fly away and then deployed the second shoot. It was a moment to ask myself, "am I ready to go see Jesus?" My answer was yes and I felt profound peace as we kept falling. It surprised even me! Once we were settled, my instructor thanked me for not freaking out. I told him I trusted him and I was sure that was not going to be helpful to our situation. But I also told him, I know where I am going next. I am ready.
It was an amazing day for my daughter and I. There is a peace when you jump out of a plane that I did not expect. It was quite and tremendously beautiful while we were free falling. God could not have given us a more perfect day to jump. In true brave fashion, my daughter went first. I cannot wait to see what that kid is going to do in this world. It is going to be awesome and I pity the fool that gets in her way!
Afterwards we had the most comfort food you could possibly eat at a Cracker Barrel on the way home. But we sat and marveled while the adrenaline wore off that we had just done something incredible together. And to be honest that is the part we loved the most. We did it together. That was the part we will savor for the many years to come. That is the part we will champion at the Thanksgiving table when she is married and has kids of her own. "I jumped out of a plane with my mom!" That is a badge of honor for me and an amazing memory for us.
The truth is I was badly bruised for several weeks after the jump and during the jump I almost threw up because of the way the chute deployed. So what! All that pain and discomfort was fleeting compared to the long lasting, life changing event I shared with my daughter. It reminds me of a verse.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NASB)
16 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
That sounds about right. I want my eyes fixed on the things that are unseen. These are the great stories that come out of the crazy mommy days or the defiant child days. Life is hard but I wonder if that actually makes the stories sweeter sometimes.
Perhaps you don't need to jump out of a plane with your kid, but what could you do today that would be epic between the two of you? I also remember being curled up in a chair with my daughter reading Old Yeller together when she was only 8 years old. Together we just sat and cried as we read. It is just as powerful and wonderful a memory for me as jumping out of a plane. (and I was not bruised afterwards)
On the day of the jump we certainly felt like "Another Homeschool Success Story!" had been written after we were both safe on the ground. How will you jump today and trust God for great stories with your kids?
I hope you do and so do they.
Monday, July 4, 2016
The Fourth of July
Tonight at the fireworks we shouted "Another Homeschool Success Story!" after my son sent a tweet out to his friends with the Liberia flag rather than the US flag. Nailed it!
Now in my son's defense, Liberia does use the stars and stripes for its flag and those emoji boards on your phone are so small. But it also only has one star, so lets just say he took down the tweet pretty quickly.
It struck me that perhaps it is time to start blogging again because I really do enjoy these kids and we are about to embark on a great year of change.
For the past year I have been writing a book and going through edits. If all continues to go well, I will have a finished copy in my hands by the end of the month. We shall see. I've also learned that I don't really know how to use a comma. Hopefully someone taught my children that better than I did.
So what does this next year hold for us? We have our oldest returning home from being in China and Japan for 15 months; our second living at home for her freshman year of college; my third is a senior and #4 is a sophomore. Everyone is home for one more year. Next year at this time, I will probably have 3 kids moving out. I can only trust that God's grace is sufficient to endure that kind of change.
When we stopped homeschooling and everyone spent too many hours at school each day, I was pretty sad. I seemed to roam the house for awhile trying to figure out what was next. Since then I have gone back to school and gotten my Masters from Moody Bible Institute and completed a layman counseling certificate from the The Allender Center in Seattle. Both programs have been life changing for me on many levels. My hope is they also communicate to my kids that learning is a life long process. We never stop learning if allow ourselves to stay in awe of who God is and His wonderful creation.
But I think that is the key. We stop being in awe of God as we get older. How is that possible? How do we become so bored with life? I recently had some time with a friend's newborn and could not help but marvel at this little life. Yes, she was sleeping and that is helpful, but even her cries were beautiful and spoke of this great mystery God has woven for us to discover.
So I will cherish this coming year and soak in every minute of it knowing change is ever approaching on the horizon. I will stay in awe of who these children in my home are becoming and how God has designed them to go forth into the world. I will cheer lead them, support them and supply them with food as this year passes and I will pray for them. They will all go on to do great things, but will they know in their deep hearts the great love Jesus has for them? I hope so. I will pray it is so.
So I start the adventure this week by going skydiving with daughter #2! May it be the beginning of a year filled with the phrase "Another Homeschool Success Story!"
Now in my son's defense, Liberia does use the stars and stripes for its flag and those emoji boards on your phone are so small. But it also only has one star, so lets just say he took down the tweet pretty quickly.
It struck me that perhaps it is time to start blogging again because I really do enjoy these kids and we are about to embark on a great year of change.
For the past year I have been writing a book and going through edits. If all continues to go well, I will have a finished copy in my hands by the end of the month. We shall see. I've also learned that I don't really know how to use a comma. Hopefully someone taught my children that better than I did.
So what does this next year hold for us? We have our oldest returning home from being in China and Japan for 15 months; our second living at home for her freshman year of college; my third is a senior and #4 is a sophomore. Everyone is home for one more year. Next year at this time, I will probably have 3 kids moving out. I can only trust that God's grace is sufficient to endure that kind of change.
When we stopped homeschooling and everyone spent too many hours at school each day, I was pretty sad. I seemed to roam the house for awhile trying to figure out what was next. Since then I have gone back to school and gotten my Masters from Moody Bible Institute and completed a layman counseling certificate from the The Allender Center in Seattle. Both programs have been life changing for me on many levels. My hope is they also communicate to my kids that learning is a life long process. We never stop learning if allow ourselves to stay in awe of who God is and His wonderful creation.
But I think that is the key. We stop being in awe of God as we get older. How is that possible? How do we become so bored with life? I recently had some time with a friend's newborn and could not help but marvel at this little life. Yes, she was sleeping and that is helpful, but even her cries were beautiful and spoke of this great mystery God has woven for us to discover.
So I will cherish this coming year and soak in every minute of it knowing change is ever approaching on the horizon. I will stay in awe of who these children in my home are becoming and how God has designed them to go forth into the world. I will cheer lead them, support them and supply them with food as this year passes and I will pray for them. They will all go on to do great things, but will they know in their deep hearts the great love Jesus has for them? I hope so. I will pray it is so.
So I start the adventure this week by going skydiving with daughter #2! May it be the beginning of a year filled with the phrase "Another Homeschool Success Story!"
Friday, January 2, 2015
Trusting Teenagers
So I've come to a conclusion. Trusting teenagers is like trusting God. At some point you just have to jump and be willing to be deceived. But what if I'm wrong? Then I might look like a chump at some point, but it doesn't really change the present. We have not been lax in teaching right and wrong and God's ways vs the worlds. They are smart and well educated kids. But now they have to decide how they want to live in light of the truth. They need room to mess up and decide if it's worth it. At some point, as a parent I need to take my hands off and see what they will do.
I told a friend recently that children are a good mirror but not a reflection of us. To the world and the church they may seem like a reflection. I have often made that mistake of just assuming something about a parent when I meet a kid. Sometimes I am in the ball park, but not always. They are people. Yes, they are apples and we are the apple trees, but we all make choices. The best choice I can make for them is to be here and let them be over there, wherever that might be. Another good choice I can make is to look into the mirror of my kids and continue to allow God to transform me. That might mean any number of things, but we do not serve our kids when all we do is serve our kids.
I am nearing the end of my grad school. I graduate in August and I really only have one formal class left. After that I am in a 14 week project and final capstone project. I've also started writing a book that I've had on my heart for many years. My hope is that is will offer hope and freedom and some laughs to some people in captivity. These are some of the gifts I offer my kids as they are now getting up from our family table and driving away in cars night after night.
I am also offering them a renewed focus on my marriage. It is crazy hard to be married, isn't it? Sadly even though we knew we were both bringing baggage into the marriage, we have even created more since being married. I think we've gotten rid of some it, but I'm not sure if we are unloading as fast as we are creating it still. But I have hope now and hope has been thin in different seasons.
I want my kids to know they will be ok, even when they make mistakes and that we will ok too, even when we make mistakes. Isn't that the definition of home? A place where love is strong and doesn't change with the wind. A place you can always come back to even when you really blow it and still find forgiveness. I know I longed for those things when I was a kid and it's what I want for my kids.
So I will stop analyzing every step the teenagers make and decide to trust them a bit more. I will also keep moving towards Jesus because I am more convinced than ever, that only He satisfies the ache in our souls. My hope is that my kids will be convinced of that as well, sooner than later.
And even though homeschooling feels like another lifetime at this point, watching them draw near to Jesus will be the best Homeschool Success Story ever!
I told a friend recently that children are a good mirror but not a reflection of us. To the world and the church they may seem like a reflection. I have often made that mistake of just assuming something about a parent when I meet a kid. Sometimes I am in the ball park, but not always. They are people. Yes, they are apples and we are the apple trees, but we all make choices. The best choice I can make for them is to be here and let them be over there, wherever that might be. Another good choice I can make is to look into the mirror of my kids and continue to allow God to transform me. That might mean any number of things, but we do not serve our kids when all we do is serve our kids.
I am nearing the end of my grad school. I graduate in August and I really only have one formal class left. After that I am in a 14 week project and final capstone project. I've also started writing a book that I've had on my heart for many years. My hope is that is will offer hope and freedom and some laughs to some people in captivity. These are some of the gifts I offer my kids as they are now getting up from our family table and driving away in cars night after night.
I am also offering them a renewed focus on my marriage. It is crazy hard to be married, isn't it? Sadly even though we knew we were both bringing baggage into the marriage, we have even created more since being married. I think we've gotten rid of some it, but I'm not sure if we are unloading as fast as we are creating it still. But I have hope now and hope has been thin in different seasons.
I want my kids to know they will be ok, even when they make mistakes and that we will ok too, even when we make mistakes. Isn't that the definition of home? A place where love is strong and doesn't change with the wind. A place you can always come back to even when you really blow it and still find forgiveness. I know I longed for those things when I was a kid and it's what I want for my kids.
So I will stop analyzing every step the teenagers make and decide to trust them a bit more. I will also keep moving towards Jesus because I am more convinced than ever, that only He satisfies the ache in our souls. My hope is that my kids will be convinced of that as well, sooner than later.
And even though homeschooling feels like another lifetime at this point, watching them draw near to Jesus will be the best Homeschool Success Story ever!
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