When my kids were little, I was pretty strict about bed times and nap times. We used something called room time also where the kids went to their rooms about an hour before bed so they could wind down before bed time. In reality it was a "mom will not make it another hour so please sequester yourselves to your room now" time and the truth is I really needed it for the sake of my own sanity. But it also generated some of my best memories of the girls when they were little.
I would listen to them talk through their room monitor while I picked up the house or laid on the couch exhausted. The conversations were priceless and most of the time led to them laughing or giggling which often led to me laughing or giggling. Sometimes it led to me crying as I reviewed my day and the harsh words I may have spoken to them or my inability to see my children as blessings. But whether through laughing or crying, there was a measure of relief at the end of the day. I might have failed or hit a home run, but the day was now over and everyone was still alive and soon sleep would come and we would all rest (most nights).
As my kids have gotten older, I've been surprised how important sleep continues to be for them. If I had a top 10 list of how to love your kids, "protect their sleep" would be on it. Of course it looks different with older kids. Strict bed times can start to feel disrespectful to teenagers. The truth is they are learning to manage their schedules and need room to see how big assignments take time and poor planning creates a lot of stress. So it is more of a dance than a series of rules. We encourage our kids to not schedule things on Saturday's. If something spontaneous comes up, so be it, but plan on a sleep-in day. We encourage "do nothing days". We are pretty ok with just staying home from school when sickness looks more like exhaustion. Now granted, sometimes they just need to push through. We had a crazy busy week just before spring break. But we all knew spring break was coming and we purposely planned nothing. They loved it. I believe "Stay in your pj's all day" should be encouraged by our culture. My son agrees and says those are the best days.
Our best school days are 2-hour delay days. Slick roads or intense cold will push back the start of the school day to 10am. Genius! I love those days and so do my kids. We are so much more relaxed in the morning and the kids don't seem so wiped out when they get home from school either. We would campaign for every day to be a 2-hour delay day if we could.
What's funny to me, however, is how often we didn't start homeschooling until 9 or 10am. I knew families that did the early morning thing. We were not one of them. Campus ministry is a late night gig and so are teenagers. So today I am wondering if all the guilt I felt during my years as a homeschool mom over getting to the table for school too late, was unfounded. During five of those years, I had a thyroid problem that dramatically effected my energy levels and getting out of bed at all was often a victory. So perhaps I will look back on those years now as God doing the work of protecting sleep for me even when I felt bad about it.
I know I needed the sleep and I see such a difference in my kids when they are well rested. They are less stressed, more even tempered and a lot more positive. They can take direction more easily and they can become so creative when the schedule is just open. (Some days they just play endless computer and video games too - so it's both).
But who doesn't need sleep? I lead a women's wilderness trip each year and our first day in the cabin is wide open. Very little schedule, sleep as much as you want and feel free to do nothing. The women love it! I suppose it is an American idea to live a hurried life. But I am not really trying to raise Americans. I'm trying to raise children who love God and know that God loves them. America offers them some wonderful elements but it can be a poison to their souls as well. Maybe that's really the essence of parenting. Discerning which is which and helping our kids learn to do the same.
But we all need more sleep in our fast paced world so I will continue to keep that on my top ten list for now and help my kids see how much nicer life is when we don't neglect our need for sleep. My hope is that our years of getting to the table late will be a blessing in disguise and we will celebrate Another Homeschool Success Story.
