Conversations and Hand Grenades

Good conversations may require dodging hand grenades. But I guess it really depends on the child. My second child uses lots of hand gestures and speaks surprisingly loud when she is agitated and needs some help processing her emotions. My third child hides in his room, but will slam the door to help us get the hint. My fourth child will simply cry and have no ability to communicate what he is feeling until he is given a list of feeling word options. I have had conversations with him that require me to use every feeling word I know. I then look for which one makes him cry harder and then I have my first clue as to what might be going on.

However, with my oldest, she employs the passive aggressive smile technique. I find it so unsettling for me. It makes my skin crawl and I have to be careful not to over react. I consider it her form of hand grenades. Eventually as the conversation continues, they become more overt anger bombs being thrown in my direction. It is always striking to me how I need to be on guard to not take it personally. I don't know if it is because she is my oldest, or a girl or just our personality mix, but her grenades seem to be the most damaging to me.

I can handle the loud voice and hand gestures. Doors are never locked so they are easy to knock on and enter. The feeling word list is long, but not infinite. But personal hand grenades when you are attempting to draw a child out and help them, is tough stuff. But if you do the work, keep dodging, bobbing, weaving and don't over react, you may eventually find that child's tears.

I read somewhere "If you find a person's tears, you will find their heart." I think this is true. However, it takes a fair amount of patience and attention to detail to get to that place. I am very thankful that God has slowed down my life enough to offer those qualities to my kids. To be honest, they are really enjoyable people to hang out with and I'm glad I did not miss it. They are funny, witty and wonderful sinners and I am so thankful to be their mom.

BTW - I do have a secret weapon when my patience wanes or I do over react. Steak and Shake. I know each of their orders and how to feed a reticent heart and make it talk. It often affords me Another Homeschool Success Story!